3rdQ 2015

it's already 1st week of nov 2015... celebrated my 2nd anniversary. and had 2 mC's ... i'm now 4 weeks plus on the 3rd pregnancy.. and i just hate this spirit of fear tat surrounds me. God please remove it far far away.... He is good.... truly He is.
Psalm 85:88 I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints-- but let them not return to folly. 
still remember the reason to start this blog is to write out my fears, worries, sadness.. to help me move forward after dad left. Still misses him alot. wish he's here but life sure moves on. it's a comfort to write and hence i'll continue thruout this pregnancy.. mabbe there's where i find solace other than in God our FAther...
please keep me sane and provide me with peace dear Daddy...

happy mothers day

was in ipoh today for mother's day.. really unforgettable. selected pre-wedding pics on sat (11/May) and departed after that around 3pm. was driving halfway right before behrang exit there's a loud pop (which i thot was the tyre puncture) but thn it's not... and decided to stop whn there's burning smell... true enuf whn open the bonnet, there's smoke and the black oil is all over the engine... So.... the adventure begins. a 2.5 hrs trip turned to a 8 hours trip... how interesting. was at the workshop in tapah that mike's parents came to fetch us back to ipoh... spend the nite there and kee chee is wonderful... she popped by in the morning, went for breakie n then to visit dad... gave him some flowers to brighten the day too... hehe... miss you daddy. went shopping in aeon 18 and bought mom crabtree & evelyn pressie... and voila.... it's lunch time. had lunch wif grammie and mrs Loh.... thn went to take money to fix the car n to pass to grammie... n head home... oh..... and saw a HUGE monitor lizard outside grammie's house. scary!!

journey was an eye opener BUT not at peace as there seems to be something brewing betwn mike and me... can't really point my finger to it but it's that naggin feeling at the back of the head... wonder wat will happen tmrw.... oh... there's a big presentation tmrw... eat rice, eat porridge depends on it dy....
Happy Mother's day to me....

Long overdue update

Hi... today is 30/March/15..

I've been married for over a year now. there's ups and downs for sure... Hubby decided to venture on his own property business few months after marriage. There goes my dream of being a housewife for the time being.
time flies... didn't realized that i had worked in this current company (SL+A) for more then 5 years. so yups, had a 5 yr long term award of RM 1k. Age is catching up and i've been trying for a baby. Had a miscarriage in late July last year... Guess it's all God's timing. He sure knows whats best for us.
Planning to have a trip with mom to HKG  this year in Sept. time to build our relationships. She's back in Ipoh... and grammie is in good health. Praise God for that. I still have Jessey and Pepper with me. 2 adorable gals which makes my day whenever i see them. Thank God for pets. There's so many things to be thankful for and it's just amazing how wonderful He is.
Easter is this coming weekend. oh... i've been attending hubby's church and i really miss SIB. strange how one sez you'll only miss something when it's gone. The church dynamics are so different. so so so different. it's now really for my spirit man to take control so that i may not lose the fire within.

missing daddy

Dear Daddy,
Wishing you were here.... i'm finally getting married. wish you were here to walk me down the aisle... guess i could only walk down with your spirit in me... today i had the most awful fight with your future son-in-law.... i'm hoping that one day whn i look back at this post i will laugh at my silliness becos i know that no matter what you love me... there are times when i really wan to seek your approval and blessing but i guess you'll be happy watching from above instead. I promise that i will not disappoint  you daddy and that i'll grow to be the woman you have brought me up to become. guess writing does help. today, was PRAY day and there are ppl out there that needs God's strength more than me. I truly felt so blessed that even with you gone, you have brought me to understand than God will never leave us or forsake us.. His promises last throughout generations. So will continue to live a life that you can be proud of. Good nite daddy... we'll talk more tmrw ok? Hope you are having a great time up there...

101010+2

God is truly amazing... mnJ got their pressie from a big koko today... kitty cat will get her share too. 2 mths no need to buy cat food jor. hehe.. tat's the happy part.
took the challenge to try a new job environment and called former HR to apply for an opening. so it's back to wait for the call.
the not so happy part... well, it's the relationship part which as usual the talking turns to arguing and turns to sadness  followed by disappointments and finally the thought of letting go.

really know that he is a good and wonderful person. just that we can't find a common ground now, that's the part which irritates myself and am feeling so yucky at myself. neway, guess i just need to live each day as it is and wait upon the Lord. May He show His way real soon... am getting scared here.

Thank you Lord Jesus for a wonderful day filled with ups and downs...

before the final quarter of 2012

last quarter 2012

it's passed the last quarter of 2012. there seems to be problems surfacing in my relationship. the happy times are getting less n arguments more. people say that if at the end of the 2 yrs time line and it seems there's no progress in a relationship it normally ends. it's strange where all these theory comes from. guess the "big" news came when he mentioned that he has a calling to go full time & that he's taking baby steps to achieve that. it kinda pull a plug inside me and sounded an alarm bell. i dun wanna go thru this all over again. we are at the pre-marriage counseling stage at lesson 3 when this happen... seriously dun wanna ruin his dreams but i really can't live to it. and it's kinda giving me pressure and stress which i dun thk i need it at this time.

these days our conversation is like goin round and round and round and round.... getting tired and restless that it's goin nowhere. am seriously lost. leaving it all up to God. please take control of the whole situation can? i know there's more issues and problems out there... just tat i felt so useless and frustrated.
will be writing here more to overcome watever i'm goin thru.... that's how i survived with dad gone. whishing he's here still.... i've failed him agian.... sorry daddy..