weird. . .

it's gonna be my last week... and of all the other jobs that i have, really dun understand for wat reason tat this particular one had me dreading goin to work each day. seriously am counting down. can't wait for the day to come whn i can finally be free and live my own life once again without stressing out everytime my phone rings..

below are the images that really makes me wonder at God's wonderful creation.
*click on the pics to read the words

ripples . . . . .

it's strange just how one person affects another. as the saying goes -> time heals... wondering whn my turn will be. am i in hiding or in denial? seriously dun haf an answer to tat. just know tat i'm still being affected. how long is it goin to last? dun like this neva ending feeling of not being in control of my own emotions. sick and tired of it...

Drop a pebble in the water:
just a splash, and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples
circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center,
flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling
where the end is going to be
~James W. Foley~

seasons comes and goes...

there is a time and season for everything...
i'm praying that this season will really shape and mould me to sumthg that is pleasing to God cos i've come to a point where everything is just do... dun ask. can't even think properly.. left my car keys in the car today n locked myself out during work.. had to use the spare keys from home. n thn later at nite, left my house keys in the car and had to use my hsemate's keys... no more strength to fight, to retaliate... wonder whn this season will end.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." - Prov 19:21

i survived today...

the feeling of NOT leaving my bed after waking was so strong. guess the action of even sitting up and putting my legs to the floor, walking to the bathroom... even thking abt it can bring me to tears but yes... i've survived yesterday and today and yes will continue to survive till the end of the week n end of the month.
prayin each morning for the strength to pull thru the day ahead and the wisdom to settle and sort wateva problems that arises.. i can only do so much but GoD... HE can do wonders...
thank YOU for being here

Just enough light..

was reading abt just the right amoung of light for our daily step... it has come to a point where each i take each daily i dunno wat's the next step. so if you are asking me wat is your plan going to be, next month wat are you goin to do.. i'll you you in the eye and say, i really dunno. so please don't ask me cos God is providing just enough light for the step i'm on...

It's a more certain proposition to follow the Lord, not knowing where you're goin,
than to think you know where you're goin and you're not following the Lord.
~Jack Hayford~

another week....

i survived last week n this week is only the begining. there are times whn all we could do is just to take one step at a time. living each day as it dawns upon us. just wondering how long this season will last. in the mean time... holding on.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

. . . . . . . . . .
even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast

~ps 139:7-10~

finally...

survived the week, BUT it's still not over, need to survive the month.. will still be working tmrw n day after n the day after tat...


if God was not providing the strenght for me, i really can't visualize how i'm gonna pull thru this. too bz to miss dad. know he's there sumwhere at the back of the mind, more memories during those quiet and lonely times.

overall it's a hectic week... n not gonna end anytime soon.

that's hw i feel like currenly... all messed up and scribbled over.

it's not tat bad after all

it's mid week... i've been expecting the worst since the begining of the week. was like dreading n pulling myself off bed the 1st day of work. but God is faithful.. n i believe that He is really teaching me how to have faith upon His ways and fully trust and lean upon Him. was so scared of goin away from Him as i was having these thots of straying like how i used to..His timing is just perfect and amazing, tat's all i can say... thank you Daddy for not giving up hope on me..

daisies are pretty, i thk i'm beginin to like thm... ^_^

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

~heb 11:6~

H O M E

just got back... memories of dad were still lingering, the sponge at the shower, his books, the empty space where his bed used to be.. n i really missed listening to his voice of telling me he's been good, sleepin on time n eating his meals. i lost dad's sim card.. feeling upset cos such a simple thing n yet i can lost it. i seriously thk mom is so much stronger thn me.
upset wif work, can't seem to work things out. DADDY's been there for me. i know tat if HE's not, i would have messed things up long time ago.. i can't really walk now. i'm so lost.. n confused.. thank you for holding on to my hand. i really dunno how long i'll be like this. really wanna let go n move on.

everyday, i'm retracting further into my shell, i seriously just wanna get away and be alone. can i? someone once said, dad goin away will be my biggest impact cos thn i'll have to be independant. hahah... life begins again. i'm trying to live life from the start.. n this time i only haf 1 DADDY instead of 2... so yeah.. enuf of tokkok..

~may i live my life according to your will n purpose~

the past...

do not forget the past, for it shapes the future....

today started out so-so... thot it's finally friday and another 4 weeks to go. well, UNLESS i can be irresponsible and not taking ownership of my work, i can't be comfortable just leaving things the way they are. no matter what i still need to complete and finish wateva that has been entrusted to me. guess that's all about life..

in memory of pongo.. till today, i missed you...

was thking on the way back, wat happened on the day whn pongo served his last. the song that was playing, (the CD was perished with the cd player on that memorable day)

into your hands i commit again,

with all i am, for you Lord...

Jesus i believe in YOu,

Jesus I belong to you....

wat was i thking when i came out of the car?? i was in one piece. no broken bones, i can walk. 1' more i'll be in the wheelchair for the rest of my life, 1' less, mabbe i shud haf left my will ( if there's any) His calculations are just so accurate. it's a wonder.. and wat was i singin in my heart whn i was standing next to pongo?

thank you Jesus, for your love to me...

thank you Jesus, for your grace so free...

n wat am i worried about??

die lor... can i still serve in atone? cos i just sign up... hmmm.. now tat i look back, wat was BIG daddy trying to tell me?

30 yrs of fooling around, it's time you reflect on what you are here for.. your purpose in life.

DADDY, i'm sorry i've failed you today.. i was really down in the dumps. please forgive me..

true to His words...

it's finally July. thot it's gonna be a great day. after all it's only 1 more month BUT today i really learned to walk each step seeking DADDY's help. realized that taking each step is sooooo hard and the giants are sooo big. i really need to learn to look at situations like caleb and joshua..

was so down the whole day till on the way back, the setting sun reminded me that GOD is in control - from the rising to the going down. His name is to be praised. Please forgive me DADDY..

“There we saw the giants” (Num. 13:33).

Yes, they saw the giants, but Caleb and Joshua saw God! Those who doubt say, “We be not able to go up.” Those who believe say, “Let us go up at once and possess it, for we are well able.”

Giants stand for great difficulties; and giants are stalking everywhere. They are in our families, in our churches, in our social life, in our own hearts; and we must overcome them or they will eat us up, as these men of old said of the giants of Canaan.

The men of faith said, “They are bread for us; we will eat them up.” In other words, “We will be stronger by overcoming them than if there had been no giants to overcome.”

Now the fact is, unless we have the overcoming faith we shall be eaten up, consumed by the giants in our path. Let us have the spirit of faith that these men of faith had, and see God, and He will take care of the difficulties. –Selected

It is when we are in the way of duty that we find giants. It was when Israel was going forward that the, giants appeared. When they turned back into the wilderness they found none.

Passage taken from streams in the desert