changes

mom got a place and will be moving in by Nov 2010.... time really flies. 1.5 years after dad left i'm actually staying wif her permanently. peter is good, he's being here all this time making sure no major breakouts. but shifting to the new place, will he be around? i really hope so. there is a guy in my life now. it's still not confirmed as i dun see any certainty on how he wans to move along. till the day we are "officially" together mabbe i'll be more certain. but as of now, it's just dating. mom n peter are kinda ok wif him. some leaders haf kinda met him too... only time can tell if he's the one that i should be with. till thn it's all in God's hands. continuing to trust and haf faith in His plans.

for Him and to Him and through Him are all things

it's all about......

come tomorrow, it's daddy's 1st birthday in heaven. hope he's having a fantabulous time... the 1st birthday... how i wish i could be celebrating with him together with the angels.

back to earth, goin thru a time of endurance and patience (most of it related to work). God is good tho, He's provided me wif a fren tat i can relate to in times like this. Currently most of the time am uncertain, lost and scared but having assurance of HIS presence and knowing HIS faithfulness has kept me moving forward. taking 1 step at a time, trusting HIM n learning to have faith. it's really amazing hw God places us in specific locations at certain times.

mom is in town every wkn now, can see she's getting old. grammie too. really hope that i'll be able to love thm in such a way that they'll be happier thn where they are currently.

Jesus, knowing You is the most wonderful gift one could ever receive.

may you continue to reign in our lives....

dead to be alive

the months just kinda flew past. . . so many happenings, ups + downs, happiness + sadness, anticipation + avoidance, faith + doubt, trust + disbelief. . . . . the buckets of tears i've cried made me feel like a kid once more. dunno y there's this feeling of seeking daddy. miss his soft, patient voice and advice giving these days. mabbe there's a lot of changes happening that i felt so lost and helpless without him. know tat Big Daddy is looking after me but still . . . .

HE's really faithful n i'm the one doubting His presence in my life. time & time again He tries to disturb so that i'll notice Him - really made me feel bad that i put Him aside in my life.

emotionally unstable eventho upfront i'll all cool n steady. behind closed doors, it's just another broken life saved by HIS blood.

time of reflection and meditation on HIS promises thru His word. really blessed to be a blessing. may i not fail Him for wat He has given. May i continue to wait upon Him as the day of returning home draws closer each day.

"trusting as the moments fly,

trusting as the days go by,

trusting Him wateva befall,

Trusting Jesus that is all"

spots

finally did something that i have been thking for a while now. n strangly enuf, i had peace the few days before this, but now, i'm having mixed feelings. did i do the rite thing? really dunno. but 1 thing i know, i've place it in Daddy's hands.

have not been feeling HIM close these days, it could be me not making an effort to draw close to HIM or is HE keeping silent so that i can learn to be still and to hear HIS heartbeat?

wateva way it is, will keep pressing on n have faith till the end. after all, He's been faithful all this time, hw can i let go?

thanks DADDY for not giving up hope on me.

"Let us acknowledge the LORD;

let us press on to acknowledge him.

As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;

he will come to us like the winter rains,

like the spring rains that water the earth."

Hosea 6:2-4

my life may have spots, but YOU've removed it all ...thank YOU!

daddy + DADDY

it's only 15 days since i decided on start on having 40 mins of my best time wif DADDY.... yet so many things have happened. really strange how HE works. i was not tat good about giving my best to HIM as yet, but HE's so sweet, waiting patiently. really thankful that HE din gif up on me.

reminds me so much of dad, who after all my "bad" years, din utter a word but instead welcomed me back with open arms... as long as i'm alive, u r my daughter...dad, i believe you are much happier now where u are. i miss you still.

my bro whom i thot was lost, really lifted my spirits up today, DADDY is working in him, truly HE's just awesome. i miss u too... wish you are here, but i guess DAD has even bigger plans for you.

been crying so much the past 15 days. HE's really stripping me down to nothingness at times. there is no strength left 'cept to kneel down and cry out. without HIM, i definately can't stand.

this round of 40 days is really diff -the experience is sooo real, can't deny His presence, His awesomeness, His jealousy, His love, His faithfulness, His peace, His strength,His grace n His mercy....really blessed to call you DADDY.

dad, if u do know, whn u left, part of me left, realized i can't stand on my own wif you gone... cos all along, u were there whn i needed u. all i need to do is just to call you n i can hear ur voice. u are always waiting for me at home. it's only me who choose to live away from you. u took hold of my hands whn i was a child, a gal, a lady. i miss holding you hands. now that u left, u gaf me an oppurtunity to get closer to DADDY up there.

HE's the same as you. ever waiting for me to return, ever patient, ever loving... n most of all, i can slowly find my strength in HIM again. HE may not be physically here, but spiritually, HE's there. i'm learning to adapt to HIS mysterious and marvelous ways. i'm still very much afraid of the things that HE's goin to do in my life; but dad i believe u trust HIM just as much as i do. HE will shape and mould me to be HIS child just as you did.

when all is said and done, we can only offer up our lives to HIM

A|D|D|I|C|T|I|O|N

it's a new year... wonder why i din start it wif a bang - instead, 2009 slowly seeped out and 2010 slide in unnoticed... 1st year without daddy... it's almost 6 mths.

time really flies. realized it's been a long time since i went home. after dad left, i can't find a reason to go back. so lost. and really wonder wat 2010 will bring. grow in depth.. really need it, easily shaken these days. super easy to be influenced...

wonder wat GOD has in store for me this year. 2009 was a year of change. 2010 a year of adapting to changes? dread goin to work on mon. God is good... i'm just not faithful. haven't been a good gal lately. mnJ are better behaved than me.

nwy, it's a new year, new beginings.

i just pray this year my addiction will come to an end. will definately miss it. but thn can i haf it? please show me a way out... need an answer.

~in God we trust~